Messages

Volkov.  :P

It was a dark and stormy night at the Spa. Due to strange disappearances linked with horrible things like Real Life or Marriage, only one civilian was left. One civilian and a thousand ghests. Who was this civilian, what are ghests, and what are they all doing in the abandoned Spa?

These Ghests, who are pandimensional beings who usually flipped dimensions if they are spotted, had become overconfident in their almost-completed quest of getting rid of these denizens once and for all. As a result, they did not care that this mysterious, last human was aware of their overbearing presence. What could one puny Spamian do to a host of Ghests a thousand strong?

~To be continued

Vote: Who do you want to be the last one left in Spa?

Ah. Thanks, Kilk.  :D

Hey that's only a couple hours away from me!

I'm sure that this has been posted before, but I don't think it would be too hard to fix.  If you use an apostrophe in either the clan news or clan rules (anything else?) it adds a backslash in front of the apostrophe. Is this a bug, or am I just being silly?

Okay thanks. I almost did that, which is why I asked.

Back to the original topic, here's a bunch:

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 00:57:56 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I have realized something. Most of my decrees have been entirely focused on me, and what I think you should do. So enough about me, what do you guys think of me? Go ahead, be honest, tell me what a great job I'm doing. I can take it. Even if you disagree, and only think I'm doing a good job, I won't get angry and hurt you. Much. So, am I a great Emperor, or the greatest Emperor?

I look forward to your responses.

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 00:41:49 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I am saddened. I have discovered, despite my best efforts, that some of you do not like me. In a blatant PR move, I have declared this free coffee and donuts day! Go to your local Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme, and as for free coffee and donuts. Tell them I said it was OK. I'm sure that's all it will take to get them to give you free food. Enjoy!

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 23:27:31 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

For my last post as your emperor, I command you all to kill Shadow, for being a big meany-head.

That is all.

Your (former) Emperor,

Volkov

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 15:33:11 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I have returned. Commence with the rejoicing and deflowering of maidens.

That is all.

Your wonderful, benevolent Emperor,

Volkov

Mon, 03 Jun 2013 08:44:22 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

Rejoice! I have returned to my throne for the 4th time this era! In celebration of this glorious day, henceforth every Monday will be the Day of Butts! No messages sent on that day will be valid unless they include the word "butts". Now, for my second decree as your newly reinstated emperor, I declare today to be General Volkov day. Nothing special happens, I just wanted to say that. I HAVE SPOKEN!

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Wed, 05 Jun 2013 05:06:55 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I love books. Today is book appreciation day. Everyone should read a book, and then feel good about yourself, because reading books makes you more knowledgeable, and knowledge is power. Also, knowledge is evil, but being evil isn't a bad thing. So read moar.

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Wed, 05 Jun 2013 05:14:08 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I've decided to make a rare double decree, this time to declare a RWL-wide day of mourning, for my glasses. On Sunday night, at approximately 9:45pm, they broke. I have been without them for 2 days now. It sucks, and since I am Emperor, everyone must share my pain. So put on your black veils, since the dirge of mourning, and if you feel like it, send me money to ease my pain. (Hint Hint)

That is all.

Your saddened Emperor,

Volkov

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 07:07:53 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I have discovered Candy Crush. No further messages for the foreseeable future. MUST BEAT ALL THE LEVELS!

I'd say everyone should try this game, but RWL would be abandoned, so I hereby decree that the playing of Candy Crush is banned for anyone who is not an Emperor.

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 07:10:43 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I lied in my last decree, there will be many many more from your beloved Emperor. I still don't want you playing Candy Crush though.

That is all.

Your beloved Emperor,

Volkov

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 10:34:04 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

Corn dogs are delicious. I recently bought a 16 pack of them, and they are now all almost gone. Why is a hot dog wrapped in cornbread so amazingly tasty? You should all go buy corn dogs and revel in the deliciousness. That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 05:57:03 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I recommend buying your ice cream in gallons, where possible. Half gallons just go too fast, plus the gallon comes in a convenient plastic tub that you can then use for tupperware. I also recommend that if you start buying gallons of ice cream, that you work out, because otherwise you will get tremendously fat.

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Thu, 20 Jun 2013 05:36:58 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

I have a new series of Emperor messages for you, I have tentatively titled them "Emperor Volkov presents: Messin' with Wolf Snare."

So, Wolf Snare, how does it feel to be roundly, and soundly beaten by a group of guys who you have repeatedly insisted are "inferior players" and or "noobs"? I mean, when all this started up again, you were Emperor, on 10 billion net. Now I am Emperor, and basically everything you guys built has been destroyed, virtually none of that done through leader suicides even. Oh, and whatever happened to that whole, "I have a plan" thing you were boasting about after we first took you down? Was it to clan up, get all your marketed net killed, and then revive and try to outnet us while failing attacks on me? Cause you know, might want to rethink your decision making paradigm there. All I'm saying is, it seems like you've gone downhill man. At one point, you were pretty much the best player in this game, except maybe for Shadow. Now, I'm not even sure you are even top ten anymore. I'm pretty sure Firetooth is a better player than you. What happened dude?

Sun, 23 Jun 2013 05:32:26 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

Recently, I've been thinking about bananas, and how amazing they are. Think about it, what other food comes in its own organic, easily peelable wrapping, grows in huge bunches, and is nutritious enough that people can survive on a diet of just that kind of food for quite some time? Now only that, but they are tasty enough to be eaten on their own, yet bland enough to go with nearly anything. Bananas are awesome. You should go out and get some today.

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Mon, 24 Jun 2013 05:50:38 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

Emperor Volkov presents: Episode 2 of "Messin' with Wolf Snare"

So, Snare, I've been thinking about things since I last messaged you, and I think I've pinpointed the source and start of your decline. It started back when you first starting teaming up with Sevah. See, Sevah thinks he is the best player in the game, and he has convinced you of the the same. Now, I won't deny Sevah is a good player, and as a solo player in a Turbo-type setting, he is indeed very, very good. The problem is, Sevah doesn't really understand how clan play works at RWL, and definitely doesn't understand how reg works. So he pretty much constantly is getting smacked down by people like Shadow and myself. You, being his buddy and all, have started playing the same style as him, and get smacked down with him. Then you both go and sulk for a bit before trying to do the same old thing again. I will give you this, you do seem to have a bit more fight in you than Sevah, who seems to just check out every time the going gets tough. But I remember the time when you took emp and held it against all comers for a rather impressive amount of time, even took on wolf bite and held on to it. In this most recent fight, you acted much more like Sevah, who does irrational things, loses, and then checks out for a period of time. I think if you would return to your old playing style, instead of being a Sevah - mimic, you'd be more successful at this game. Also, your decision to associate with him in the first place, after your first experience with him, where he stabbed you in the back when you had Turbo under your sway, might again make you want to re-evaluate your decision-making paradigm.

Thu, 08 Aug 2013 05:57:31 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

Rejoice! For the fifth time this era, I have become emperor! (Even though I never really should have lost it in the first place. Stupid game bugs.) However, this does mean that literally half the emperors of this era have been me, and I have spent more time as emp than all the other emperors combined! Does that make me the greatest emperor of this era? That is up to you to decide. Here's a quick poll:

Emperor Volkov is

A) A great Emperor

B) The greatest Emperor

Feel free to respond with your selection. Answers other than A or B will not be considered for polling data.

That is all.


Your Emperor,

Volkov

Fri, 16 Aug 2013 16:23:28 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

It appears my decrees are unappreciated in some quarters. I find this disappointing. However, I am indefatigable, and will endeavor to continue to provide you with excellent decrees for your reading pleasure. As everyone knows, the pursuit of excellence requires practice, so from now on, I will be issuing decrees and statements every day, instead of my current sporadic nature. Today my decree is this: Today is international Joker day. All posts (except mine because I'm the emperor muhahahaha) must contain a Joker reference to be valid. This includes the forums.

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Sat, 17 Aug 2013 17:46:37 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

To avoid confusion, all decrees I make when I say "today is" refer to the 24 hour period after the issuance of the decree. So the decree I make now will be in effect until 8:45 pm EDT tomorrow. This is to improve your decree experience, and to make sure you get the full benefit of the fun and happy working environment my decrees bring about. Now, for todays decree, I declare today to be international meatloaf day. All posts and messages must reference meatloaf in some way to be valid. This can be either the literal edible loaf of meat or the singer Meatloaf.

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

Mon, 19 Aug 2013 16:16:35 -0700
From: The Hounds of Ulster (#7)
My dear subjects,

It seems that my last decree has generated some rumblings of dissent. This will not be tolerated. I am deeply disappointed in you. My rule is wise and beneficent, and my decrees only serve to enhance your Redwall: Warlords experience. If morale does not improve, there will be beatings, and the beatings will continue until morale improves. Now, for today's decree, I declare this to be International Hate Steve Jobs day. Ashton Kutcher's movie about him was so terrible, that everyone should now hate them both for being self-righteous, self congratulatory buttheads. All posts and messages must contain a line about how much Steve Jobs or Chris "Ashton" Kutcher sucks/how much you hate either of them to be valid.

That is all.

Your Emperor,

Volkov

What happens if the percentages add up to less than 100%? Does it just not train as much, or does it just go with what you gave it?

June 11

Where'd you get your name from?

I don't start till next Tuesday, but I end really late.

That doesn't include Reg, though.

Ello. I see you have met the creepy smiles.
:)

Hmm, I've heard of ROC, but I don't know what it was/is.

Coolio. I'm not sure if I'll like the limited resources thing, even though it makes sense.