Only Good jokes allowed:
QuoteI dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.
This thread.
HA.
Gattsby's life.
LOL.
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Quote from: Genevieve on June 28, 2013, 04:45:27 AM
Gattsby's life.
LOL.
Wrong thread, that's a bad joke.
I have a job crushing soft drink cans. It's soda pressing.
Why did I divide sin by tan? Just cos.
A couple married seventy years was celebrating their anniversary when one of their grandchildren asked why they never seemed to have fought. The husband chuckled and explained the reason.
During their honeymoon, they went horse riding. The wife's horse, however, was not cooperating. The wife, being a bit old fashioned, finally got off the horse and said "That's one." After getting back on the horse, they ride for a few minutes, but then the horse acts up again. The wife dismounts and says "That's two". After getting back on the horse, they ride for a few more minutes and the horse acts up again. The wife gets off, takes out a pistol, and shoots the horse dead. The husband started yelling "ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU CAN'T JUST SHOOT AN ANIMAL LIKE THAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?". The wife calmly looked at him and said "Honey, that's one."
Sorry Holby
Quote from: Krowdon on June 29, 2013, 06:33:17 PM
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. A gay guy applied for the job and was hired. He turned out to be fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well. Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand, two-thirty, in came the hired hand. The rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she asked.
"Now take off my boots." He did so, slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He did.
"Now take off my skirt." He did.
"Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.
"Now," she said, "Take off my panties." He slowly pulled them down.
Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!"
This isn't really appropriate. More importantly, it's not very funny. Please don't push the boundaries.
Holby, modding.
Ahahahaha. Krowdon got modded!
...
on another note:
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
Once upon a time there was a family of balloons - mum, dad and a baby. One night there was a thunderstorm and the baby balloon got really scared so he tried to squeeze into his parents' bed. There wasn't a lot of room so he let some air out of his his dad, but he still didn't fit. After a while he let some air out of his mum and was able to squeeze into the bed, but it wasn't very comfortable. He let a bit of air out of himself and finally he was able to get comfortable and get some sleep.
At the breakfast table the atmosphere was tense. Dad balloon looked at his son with a frown:
"Son, you've let me down, you've let your mother down - and worst of all you've let yourself down."
Quote from: Holby on June 29, 2013, 11:42:40 PM
Quote from: Krowdon on June 29, 2013, 06:33:17 PM
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. A gay guy applied for the job and was hired. He turned out to be fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well. Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand, two-thirty, in came the hired hand. The rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she asked.
"Now take off my boots." He did so, slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He did.
"Now take off my skirt." He did.
"Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.
"Now," she said, "Take off my panties." He slowly pulled them down.
Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!"
This isn't really appropriate. More importantly, it's not very funny. Please don't push the boundaries.
Holby, modding.
It is pretty funny, though. Yeah, inappropriate, but funny nonetheless.
Here's my joke.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
There are 3 types of people in this world: Those who can count properly and those who can't.
Sorry about that Holby.
hahahahahaha u gawt tald of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: Pippin on June 30, 2013, 01:45:47 PM
hahahahahaha u gawt tald of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahaha doesn't happen much.
hahahahaha thats why it so funE
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I hereby ban all bad puns. People who violate it will be severely PUNished.
If I was a DJ, I'd call myself Enzyme, cuz I'd be breakin' it down.
Wanna hear a joke? Holby.
(No offense)
Quote from: Drakus on July 01, 2013, 03:53:45 PM
Wanna hear a joke? Holby.
(No offense)
Adding "No offense" to something doesn't make it any less offensive.
But if you think it will help your chances of getting off probation, carry on.
Holby, modding
Quote from: Briar on October 29, 2011, 07:22:44 PM
If anyone is into physics...
Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."
Quote from: Holby on July 01, 2013, 06:29:43 PM
Quote from: Drakus on July 01, 2013, 03:53:45 PM
Wanna hear a joke? Holby.
(No offense)
Adding "No offense" to something doesn't make it any less offensive.
>:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
But if you think it will help your chances of getting off probation, carry on.
Holby, modding
How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke him on.
How do you get a warlord on a bus? Put him into a pokeball first.
Here's a few intellectual jokes:
A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer stay in a hotel.
The engineer is awakened by a smell and gets up to check it. He finds a fire in the hallway, sees a nearby fire extinguisher and after extinguishing it, goes back to bed.
Later that night, the physicist gets up, again because of the smell of fire. He quickly gets up and sees the fire in the hallway. After calculating air pressure, flame temperature and humidity as well as distance to the fire and projected trajectory, he extinguishes the fire with the least amount of fluid.
At last, the mathematician awakes, only again to find a fire in the hallway. He instantly sees the extinguisher and thinks, "A solution exists!", and heads back into his room.
"is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?"
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".
A programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
^Best jokes ever
"Wanna come to my solipsism convention?"
This guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo1BorkW9Do) has a great joke.
That hurt to watch