What are some good ones?
A man walks into a Fortune Teller's tent to get his fortune read. The Gypsy looks into her crystal ball and tells the man, "You are a father of two young boys." "Ha! That's what you think!" Says the man, "I'm the father of three boys."
"Ha!" Says the gypsy, "That's what you think!"
- A German joke
That's awesome, but I meant short as in 'Not tall'
But that's the best joke I've heard all day.
I have a book full of funnies from around the world.
Please share a few
CANADA: A man says t a friend, "My wife is on a three week diet" "Oh yeah? How much has she lost so far?" "Two Weeks."
RUSSIA: Due to the recession, to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.- God
UK: About a month before my grandfather died, my grandmother covered his back with lard. After that, he went downhill very quickly.
The second and third ones are great.
short pokes
A baby seal walks into a club
two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks
Eh. That one was okay.
Irradiated cats have 18 half lives.
Science.
ACTUALLY the irradiated cat would have it's DNA shredded and the cat would either die or have mutant babies.
Mutant cats!
they would have birth defects and most likely would either be sterile or die young.
That's really sad. :(
antijokechicken.jpg
Camaclue post more of those jokes please.
I dunno bout short, but:
BAD THINGS ABOUT BEING TALL
1. People ask if you play basketball (when you hate it).
2. People ask you how tall you are.
3. People tell you that you are tall (as if you didn't
already know).
4. Shopping for clothes (especially shoes).
5. Mirrors, I have not found a mirror that I don't have
to duck for.
6. Showers, it sucks having to duck to wash your hair.
7. Baths, but does anyone fit into those things?
8. Shop signs, they are just too low and hard.
9. Fans..... Ouch.
10. Lights, Ouch.
11. Beds, head over one end and feet over the other.
12. Sleeping bags, no way in hell you can stretch out.
13. Sit down arcade games, just don't fit.
14. Sit down rides at shows (roller coasters), just
don't fit.
15. Cinema seats, there is no room to stretch your legs.
16. You always intimidate people with your height.
17. You make people feel short around you.
18. Cars, god, it is hard to find a good car I can fit into.
19. People who say that they would like to be tall.
20. People who say: "You could see well in a crowd."
21. Having to crouch to use public phones.
22. Having to crouch to use ATMs.
23. Having to crouch in public toilets so you don't see over
the cubical.
24. Motel Beds.
25. Blankets.
26. One size fits all socks.
27. Morons who love to hear themselves talk say: "Is it
raining up there?"
28. Have to buy XX Large shirts for the sleeves, and then
deal w/ the extra material around the waist.
I pull 27 on people sometimes.
A man walks into a bar and asks for a cup of water, the bartender pulls uot a shotgun an fires a blast just past the man's head the man says thank you and walks out. Why?
the man had hiccups.
Clever. I would be scared to pieces if a dude pulled a shotgun on me.
That bartender must be Ungatt.
it would be the Spa Bar
Of course.
Quote from: Krowdon on August 08, 2012, 02:28:53 PM
Clever. I would be scared to pieces if a dude pulled a shotgun on me.
That bartender must be Ungatt.
I wouldn't miss. Their head would be all over the bar once I was done.
A man is trapped in a room that was built around him, there are no windows or doors. the only things in the room are a table and a mirror. How does he get out?
the man looks into the mirror, he sees what he saw. He takes the saw and cuts the table in half, two halves make a whole, he escapes through the hole.
not a joke, that's a riddle.
Quote from: Rakefur on August 08, 2012, 08:27:04 AM
I dunno bout short, but:
BAD THINGS ABOUT BEING TALL
1. People ask if you play basketball (when you hate it).
2. People ask you how tall you are.
3. People tell you that you are tall (as if you didn't
already know).
4. Shopping for clothes (especially shoes).
5. Mirrors, I have not found a mirror that I don't have
to duck for.
6. Showers, it sucks having to duck to wash your hair.
7. Baths, but does anyone fit into those things?
8. Shop signs, they are just too low and hard.
9. Fans..... Ouch.
10. Lights, Ouch.
11. Beds, head over one end and feet over the other.
12. Sleeping bags, no way in hell you can stretch out.
13. Sit down arcade games, just don't fit.
14. Sit down rides at shows (roller coasters), just
don't fit.
15. Cinema seats, there is no room to stretch your legs.
16. You always intimidate people with your height.
17. You make people feel short around you.
18. Cars, god, it is hard to find a good car I can fit into.
19. People who say that they would like to be tall.
20. People who say: "You could see well in a crowd."
21. Having to crouch to use public phones.
22. Having to crouch to use ATMs.
23. Having to crouch in public toilets so you don't see over
the cubical.
24. Motel Beds.
25. Blankets.
26. One size fits all socks.
27. Morons who love to hear themselves talk say: "Is it
raining up there?"
28. Have to buy XX Large shirts for the sleeves, and then
deal w/ the extra material around the waist.
These are not jokes.
Quote from: Captain Mortspear on August 09, 2012, 01:04:28 PM
A man is trapped in a room that was built around him, there are no windows or doors. the only things in the room are a table and a mirror. How does he get out?
This works a lot better if it's spoken but:
1. He bangs his head on the table until it's sore
2. He uses the saw to cut the table in half
3. He puts the two halves back together to make a whole
4. He climbs through the hole and escapes
the man looks into the mirror, he sees what he saw. He takes the saw and cuts the table in half, two halves make a whole, he escapes through the hole.
never mind, i didn't notice that the solution was at the end of the post ughhhhh
I agree with Holby. Post Jokes.
A pumpkin walked into a bar. There is no punchline because, why are you just staring blankly at your computer screen where scary things like pumpkins walking into bars are happening?
Very well Krowdon... you want jokes? Here's a Redwall one.
How many vermin does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Technically two, but they both can't fit in a lightbulb.
But they dont have lightbulbs in Redwall.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Quote from: Camaclue on August 10, 2012, 07:21:26 PM
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(http://0.tqn.com/f/p/440/graphics/images/en/19598.jpg)
victory dance for amazing roast
(http://emotibot.net/pix/2708.gif)
It wasnt the best. But I has swag I guess. B)
you have so much swagger, it's class
(class>swag btwfyi because of the overuse of swag)
Yay!
I'd rather have class than swag anyway.
+5 class to Krowdon
Krowdon has now 7 class
get 10 class to level up to Classy Poster
Okay then, you tell one.
too lazy. looking at comics
so a baby seal walks into a club
ba dum tchhh
joke already made, Death
duck whoever made it
Well, now you know
(https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT1_lH40haHMvhUyxTknWOhe2LwS0o96q-z-0rqC8VZ0qiNeMn_-m907l0Q)
Why a shooting star?
dunno
We dont know very much then.
No, we don't.
I'm annoying my dog by not letting her rest in peace.
Poor Dancefur
she ran away from me a while ago.
Why?
I was torturing her with cuddles, love, and attention
all she wants is a bed
Buy her a bed.
she already does.
we share it.
We need more jokes.
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=really+funny+jokes
-______________-
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.
"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
Haha. Thats awesome.
got to love political jokes.
When you know what they're talking about.
Things to do at the movies.
1. Throw popcorn around and yell, "It's snowing!!"
2. Laugh when the good guy dies
3. Start a conversation on your cell phone right when the movie starts
4. Point to the beginning credits and say, "That guy dies."
5. Order pizza halfway through the movie
6. Sit between couples
7. Nonchalantly eat popcorn from other people's containers
8. Announce loudly to everyone in the theater that you are going to the bathroom
9. Bring in your own food such as soup and SLURP loudly.
10. Wear tall hats to block other people's view
11. Walk in as if you are a big shot while wearing the most outrageous outfit; spandex should do the trick.
Those are rude things.
Michelangelo and a politician arrive at the pearly gates. St. Peter proclaims "He's here! He's here!" and ushers the politician inside as trumpets ound and angels sing. Michelangelo tries to follow, but the gates slam in his face. Shaken, he knocks. St. Peter appears. "I don't understand,' Michealangelo says. "I have served God all my life through my works, and I arrive here and am completely ignored in the midst of the tremendous welcome for, of all people, a politician!"
"I'm sorry,' says Peter, "We have many artists and religious people in heaven. But this is our first politician!"
*claps*
One day a doctor and his friend were wandering around london looking for a tube when
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6xaisYVwS1r63itko2_500.gif)
no.
:C
what did one midget say to the other? how big are your feet
More jokes
i wish place is quiet lately
Ryu that is not a joke.
OFF WITH HIS HEAD.
Quote from: Krowdon on September 05, 2012, 04:42:41 AM
OFF WITH HIS HEAD.
Now thats a good joke, who are we talking about?
You dun goofed
There I fixed it.
"Well I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new butt."
Animal Mother, Full Metal Jacket
Oh you!
This whole topic is a joke.
The joke is that the joke isn't funny
:D
Yes, but the continuation of this topic with it's jokes like "OFF WITH HIS HEAD" and Ungatt's recent contribution, prove the fact of why we are here (a forum for Vermin warlords to sit back and engage in pointless but at times thoroughly entertaining conversations like these).
But what we must also consider is the fact that perhaps the concrete meaning behind our presence here is more abstract. Maybe we are here as a way of a self-fulfilling drive which dug itself into our psyches as a part of our indoctrination into the forum. The reason we act cannot be told by the conscious mind, but rather more primal desires. However it's not actual "natural" but a learned behavior which, somehow, became instinct.
What if all that?
Yes quite possibly Ungatt, a learned behavior/instinct that that originated from a cross of who we undeniably are, what this forum brought out in us, and what our individual expiriences with the Redwall series was like.
(https://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/9/9/3qF6eoz6bECRsl3y0fRmdQ2.png)